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Unknown A
You know, there's an old saying that Washington D.C. is just Hollywood for ugly people. But now Hollywood is just Hollywood for ugly people because Hollywood has become a propaganda outfit for the Washington D.C. democratic Party. Earlier this month, we saw a dead president that walks amongst us. Joe Biden sign a talent contract with caa, a juggernaut conglomerate that includes a list. Names like Zendaya. How do you pronounce her name? And I just put sexy girl, Beyonce, Vin Diesel and Shohei Ohtani on their client list. And apparently now they're repping Joe Biden, a sack of skin filled with prune juice, for speaking engagements and also creative endeavors. Presumably such speaking engagements involve groaning like a dying horse.
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Unknown B
Healy healer. Nothing wrong with me.
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Unknown A
And creative endeavors include possible finger painting with Hunter. Forget the fact that Scranton Joe has spent decades pretending to be your common blue collar American, only now to ditch the Amtrak train for a rideshare limo with Issa Rae to the Emmys. But how do they think they're going to make money off this guy? Even if you don't think he's knocking on heaven's door, he's at least very visible in the ring camera footage. The only way this makes any sense if he's auditioning to play corpses on Law and Order. Because then he's a natural. I'm expecting an announcement soon. They signed Jimmy Carter. This past week, the elitist continued to elite as CAA pulled off the unthinkable and they reunited a duo no one wanted back together. No, not Oasis, not Simon and Garfunkel. I'll be honest though, Garfunkel does look pretty great. Not even Ryan Seacrest.
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Unknown A
And that blind guy, he tried to high five. As you should be. Well, I'm giving you a high five. Congratulations. There it is. And we will see you still funny and awkward. Well, they already signed the dead guy, so why not add the woman who killed him? That's right. Kamala Harris has started her next chapter with caa, signing with the same agency as her former running mate. Probably just to keep the tradition alive and maybe seal away any other roles he could land. Variety reports that the agency will be creating strategic opportunities for Harris that will expand her platform. Just what Americans want. More Kamala Harris. Can we ever get enough? One thing I could actually see working out for Kamala is the celebrity booze brand. Very popular thing these days where once dedicated and artistically minded actor decides to become a shill and starts slapping his name on some cheap hooch.
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Unknown A
The only issue I see with this idea is Kamala would get high on.
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Unknown C
Her own supply for those rights to be maintained. Which means we have to be vigilant. And it's just the nature of it. Look, I mean, it's this beautiful play and everything that we know he ended that he was suppressed. He had to suppress so much. And it doesn't mean we don't see the beauty in everything. Right? These things all coexist. But I believe we fight for. For something, not against something.
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Unknown A
So hammered. And I love how everybody has to nod along with her. It's my favorite thing. But is CAA happy to now represent a candidate that lost an election literally because of her horrid personality? Honestly, I'd rather go all in on Heidi Montag's singing career.
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Unknown C
If that's what you like.
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Unknown A
Okay, maybe not. But I can't imagine a world where this is a financially impressive move. CIA already has dodged success with the Obamas and their media company, higher ground projects like these. And I will pay you thousands of dollars if you have heard of any of these projects becoming Rustin. American Symphony, Bodkin. I'm not making these up. There's an IMDb page and everything. And let me clarify, I'm not really mad about this. And listen, I get mad at pretty much everything. Last Jedi remains a complete piece of trash. I'm just pointing out another example of the left's hypocrisy in insulting Donald Trump for the Apprentice, Home Alone 2 and some movie called Ghosts can't do it.
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Unknown B
Tomorrow at 11 we will vote and that will settle it for now.
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Unknown A
But be assured, Mrs. Scott, that in this room there are knives sharp enough to cut you to the bone and hearts cold enough to eat yours as hors d'oeuvres.
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Unknown B
You can bet your sweet little ass on him.
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Unknown A
That is a real movie, by the way, with apparently Anthony Quinn. So they point to his Hollywood past, famous friends, lavish parties as a negative. Yet they each have their own fantasies of creating a front facing media empire with George Clooney dinners and Netflix shows like Waffles and Mochi.
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Unknown C
But you worked hard today and you discovered that you belong like the tomato, everywhere. You belong here with us. This Mochi and Waffles is your new home. And so I want to reward you proudly with the Tomato badge.
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Unknown A
What was that? Did someone spike the water around here? Well, we here at Ben After Dark want to extend a helping hand to CIA. We know it won't be easy to find projects for your new clients, so we have some pitches all ready to go. First off, for Joe Biden, we all know biopics are Oscar bait. We don't have a lot of time left with the former president, so we need to swing for the fences and cash, grab some awards. Maybe we'll do like a remake of Stand By Me in. You know, Joe could be the corpse. This seems like a perfect fit since he won't be moving or breathing or needing to memorize any lines you could film after 8pm or how about a TV show for Kamala? I'm seeing a reboot of Lost. This one can also co star her besties, Tim Waltz, Nancy Pelosi, Pete Buttigieg, whoever they want.
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Unknown A
Lost 2 will not only tell the story about how they historically fumbled and lost the 2024 election in an epic fiery crash, it will also chronicle Kamala's career, which has now joined the afterlife. Either way, good luck to these Hollywood hopefuls. And on your way to the top, may Ryan Seacrest high five you as he should be. Well, I'm giving you a high five. Congratulations. We'll get to more of this in a moment. First, as social unrest escalates and crime rates climb, securing the safety of our families is more crucial now than ever. Now as you all know, I love the second amendment. I have a bunch of guns, but the thought of using lethal force in my house might not be the ideal. That's why you need to check out Burna. You need, you know, God forbid you hear something in the kitchen. You go out to the kitchen because you think somebody might have broken in and it turns out that actually it's not somebody broke in, it's somebody you know or something.
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Unknown A
Much better to use. The Burna Ungun. The non lethal self defense platform. Lightweight, simple to use. It uses an easy to load five round magazine. It's powered by an 8 gram CO2 cartridge. Burner launchers fire a 68 caliber chemical filled projectile using patented Pool Pierce technology where the CO2 canister is only punctured on the first trigger pull, meaning your launcher is always at the ready. It's capable of incapacitating an attacker for over 30 minutes. It's accurate and effective at over 60ft. It requires no permits, no background checks. It's interstate travel. Friendly with Burna, you will be prepared to defend. The Burner is a safer, more sensible alternative that could potentially save lives on both sides, protecting both user and aggressor. Thank you to Burna for sponsoring this video. And if you haven't yet, go check out this week's episode of Ben After Dark on Daily Wire.
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Unknown A
Plus brought to you by our friends at Burna. And while we're talking about out of touch Hollywood stars, they this past week we were inundated with anniversary specials and high profile concerts and high profile anniversary concert specials all for the 50th anniversary of Saturday Night Live. God bless a TV show celebrating 50 years when at most only 15 of them were any good. But hell hath no fury like elitists getting to give themselves awards because musicians like Miley Cyrus, the B52s and Lady Gaga participated in a homecoming concert live from Radio City Music hall. And many saw the massive set list and were blown away by the legendary names performing. But me, I noticed someone missing. No, not Ellen Page. I'm talking about Ashlee Simpson. How is there a more iconic performance in that one? The Jig Jig is iconic. I demand a recount. A disgusting snub.
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Unknown A
Well past SNL stars like Will Ferrell and Maya Rudolph also joined in on the phone, but it was 78 year old cher who apparently stole the show with her performance of if I Could Turn Back Time, her hit song from 1989 that is now also something many doctors have tried to do with her face. I'm not even kidding. When I was growing up and I heard a Cher song on the radio, I had no idea whether a dude or a lady was singing it. Now I don't love what I heard there, but I do have to give her credit at 78 years old to be out there performing. Keep in mind Joe Biden would have been a senior in high school when Cher was a freshman. They are not that far apart, but one of them recently mixed up Egypt.
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Unknown B
And Mexico in Gaza in the Gaza Strip has been over the top. Initially the president of Mexico, Sisi did not want to open up the gate.
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Unknown A
Allison. I mean George W. Bush is 78. He couldn't pull off chairs see through leotard. I mean he was ass. But here was his reaction. It was on the SNL 50th anniversary special just a couple of nights later that we'd once again see the lack of self awareness from the pompous left that we have become accustomed to. It was America's sweetheart and a man who will produce literally anything with a fighter pilot in it. Tom Hanks in the recurring Black Jeopardy skit as Doug, a MAGA hat wearing Trump supporter competing in the fake game show. And obviously after getting their asses handed to them in the election, Hanks and the Lib writers have smartly incorporated reality into their humor. They finally ditched the trope that all Trump Voters are dumb, racist Southern hicks with no education. Right?
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Unknown B
All right, well, thank you, my brother. Now maybe I'll start a show for you to come on and we'll call it what Jeopardy.
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Unknown D
We don't need it. We don't need it.
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Unknown A
The same strategy that has now found them voiceless and confused in America was doubled down on again, painting a disproved theory that a majority of Americans that voted for Trump are stupid and unable to make their own decisions. Or Nazis. Or both. Here's another clip from the sketch where Doug admits his love for the Medea movies.
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Unknown B
Now speaking to church, Can I say something? If more folks went to church, we wouldn't be in this mess we're in now.
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Unknown D
You know what? I agree with you, Doug. I'd like to shake your hand, sir. Here we go. Oh, no, no, no. It's just a handshake. Yeah, it's just a handshake.
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Unknown A
Yeah.
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Unknown D
All right.
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Unknown A
Get it. He's afraid to shake a black guy's hand. Oh, man. Comedic genius. Hey, he's got a gun. And it definitely doesn't undercut the idea that Trump actually g 10% with black male voters in 2024, but totally, they can't even shake hands cuz, like, scary and everything. Live from New York. It's out of touch. And I say that, as someone recently mentioned on the show, you're being extremely homophobic right now. Poli sci major. Got us good. College student owns Ben Shapiro.
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Unknown C
Guys, you think we're homophobic? Your father's been gay for 15 years.
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Unknown A
You know you made it when they mention you on SNL, you know, back in the 90s. But it should come as no surprise that liberals haven't learned a thing since November. And honestly, I'm here for it. Their signature hysteria and classist assumptions are ripe for the midterms. We're talking about the same SNL that once opened with a Hillary Clinton impersonator singing at a piano. Hallelujah. Warning us that the world was ending, despite the fact that both Donald Trump and Elon Musk have hosted their show. Hallelujah.
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Unknown C
I'm not giving up. And neither should you. And live from New York, it's Saturday Night.
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Unknown A
It's a classic. Listen, we all know Lauren is a Republican. It's the worst kept secret in Hollywood. I just never would have pegged him as a double agent. But keep it coming, buddy. It's working. And may I suggest a possible guest host for your next big announcement?